


To Wander

by IcyDoodles



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Adult Content, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, InuSess, Inucest, M/M, Romance, sessinu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:24:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyDoodles/pseuds/IcyDoodles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tragic accident erases Sesshomaru’s memories, but he does not regain consciousness alone. He fears he may never remember himself. And even more so, perhaps, he fears he may never recall how to be the person his red-clad, silver-haired caretaker so wanted him to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

What is a wanderer? He is not lost, nor can he quite anticipate the tug of his guts towards any point of interest.

He is without stifling obligation. 

Why does one wander? Well, his reasons are his own. At times, even the wanderer is ignorant to the draw of it all. 

One may wander in mind, body, and soul, perhaps for all of time; who really knows the complexities of the afterlife?

There is an appealing tranquility to such a life. One truly grows to know oneself. But there is a longing, always a longing for something that may or may not become known.

There is contentment in the wandering itself. Or at least, this is what they tell themselves when the longing stretches beyond their mental capacity to validate the constant inability to satisfy their deepest, most desperate needs.

A wanderer is… A wanderer is… 

* * *

 

Something cold and wet dragged across Sesshomaru’s throbbing forehead. All he knew in this moment was the pain and this single pleasant sensation. His hand touched it and it stilled, allowing him to sluggishly prod at the damp fibers until it was the warmth of another’s fingers he touched.

“…omaru?” There was something—a voice. It began to penetrate the thrumming in his ears. “Sesshomaru, can you hear me?” This voice was rough…yet gentle. It pushed back the fog that would wrap him in glorious unconsciousness.

The cool pressure left his forehead not a moment before his hand was grasped by another’s. The sudden contact surprised him into opening his eyes. Sesshomaru groaned, blinking and straining to see more than blurry shapes. The world was just so bright. He fought the dizziness and the relentless ache behind his eyes but seeing was too difficult. Awareness was too difficult.

His eyes closed again and his hand twitched at the prickle of another’s claws. That rough and gentle voice uttered once more what he knew to be his name. Someone wanted Sesshomaru to respond but it was all too much—he was a burning mass who perhaps did not even have a mouth to respond with. He did not have anything.

Well, he had the touch of a hand and the lull of a voice that seemed only able to call to him. Soon, that voice lost sense. And then there was no sound at all. 

The next time Sesshomaru forced his eyes to open, everything was darker. And he could _see_. The pain in his head was less. A steady heartbeat and a soft snore coaxed Sesshomaru to turn his head towards his right side. Very near to him was a sleeping figure—a shock of red robes and silver hair. 

It was only the two of them in this dimly lit room. The air smelled of herbs and of the strangely familiar scent of this male creature he did not know. They appeared to be sharing a futon for the time being. Though Sesshomaru could not seem to recall where he was, who he was, or why he was bedridden.

Despite the immense confusion, Sesshomaru found he did not panic. Even in this state, Sesshomaru knew he very well could have awoken alone in the forest, or at the bottom of a cliff somewhere. But he had not. He was sheltered and there was someone there who called him by name, who stayed by his side even in sleep.

Sesshomaru’s caretaker had a young face, peaceful in his slumber. Rather than disturb him, Sesshomaru embraced the prospect of sleep yet again. 

The warmth and light of the sun awakened Sesshomaru in the early morning hours. This time he felt well rested, though he thirsted greatly. He sat up, flicking his hair behind his shoulders. This motion must have been sudden, for the mass of red and silver beside him stirred before jolting upright. Wide, tired golden eyes swept over him before Sesshomaru was roughly embraced by the one who had been watching over him. He stiffened, unsure of how he was supposed to respond.

“Holy shit, Sesshomaru, you’re awake,” the overly affectionate being murmured into his shoulder. This person was an observant one. “How do you feel? Do you need anyth—?” 

“Who are you?” 

The dog-eared youkai drew back abruptly, his features baring his utter shock. Though Sesshomaru knew not why, his words had cut deeply somehow. He had not meant to scathe the one who had cared for him during his time of need.

“It—it’s _me_. Inuyasha.” This close to the one called Inuyasha, Sesshomaru registered a rapid heartbeat. It unsettled him. And the look darkening Inuyasha’s eyes worsened the feeling in his gut. “ _Please._ You can’t do this, I…”

Inuyasha tried to reach for his face, but Sesshomaru inched backwards and held up a hand. “Enough,” he found himself saying. This was too much. It was not as though _he_ knew how to fix himself. What gave this Inuyasha the right to look at him as though Sesshomaru had just ripped out his stomach? 

Inuyasha flinched visibly but sat back, allowing Sesshomaru his space. He seemed to take a moment to collect himself, though his hands shook. Sesshomaru almost wished he had been gentler towards the clearly vulnerable male.

“Sorry, Sesshomaru.” Inuyasha smiled but Sesshomaru could see the strain in the action. “You’re right, you…you just woke up. I shouldn’t have jumped all over you like that.” Inuyasha reached behind himself for something and procured a small gourd. “Here,” he held it out to Sesshomaru, “must be thirsty.”

Licking dry lips, Sesshomaru took the gourd without a second thought and drank deeply, emptying it. When Sesshomaru handed it back to Inuyasha, he nodded his head gratefully. “What happened to me?” he asked.

Inuyasha’s eyes fell to the floor. “There was a fight. The cliff gave way and you were crushed under some boulders. Your head was hurt bad. I thought you were…” He cleared his throat. “And now it looks like you can’t remember a damn thing…”

Amnesia.

This explained why Sesshomaru felt so lost. It was terrifying, but…

Inuyasha’s eyes were on his face again. It was as if he were waiting for something. It was as if he were trying to figure out where the nightmare ended and reality began, just as Sesshomaru was. Sesshomaru knew not which of them were more pitiful—the poor fool who seemed only pained by his knowledge and awareness or the injured one with barely enough knowledge to face his predicament without panicking.

“Sesshomaru-sama?”

A young woman stood in the doorway, the front of her floral kimono clutched in her hands. Sesshomaru did not recognize her, but…she was human. He could only stare at her in surprise while she stood there with tears brimming in her eyes. The human began moving towards him but Inuyasha grabbed her by the hand before she could complete her attempt at an embrace.

“Inuyasha?” She tugged her hand, confused. “I know he’s hurt but I promise I’ll be careful.” When Inuyasha only tightened his mouth, the human frowned. “What is it?”

“Rin… He doesn’t remember. Not me… Maybe not anything.” Inuyasha’s voice was devoid of energy.

“Wh-what?” The human, Rin, slowly lowered herself to the floor and stroked Inuyasha’s hand, though her wavering gaze was now fixated on Sesshomaru. “You don’t remember us, Sesshomaru-sama?”

Disturbed by the magnitude of emotion before him, Sesshomaru merely shook his head. A _human_ of all things was nearly in hysterics for him. It was an odd sensation—seeing genuine concern in the faces of those Sesshomaru cared nothing for.

Sesshomaru watched as the two of them comforted each other in a familiar way, quietly murmuring about what was to be done, though neither of them knew. There was talk of medicine, a sorceress, of others who might care to know of his condition. For a short time, it was as though he was no longer in the room. To them, perhaps he wasn’t. Not the Sesshomaru they knew and possibly loved.

“I know your names are Inuyasha and Rin,” Sesshomaru cut in. Unwilling to continue to sit there like a dead person, he hoped talk of himself would help to appease them a bit. As presumed, their attention was immediately captured. He assumed his appearance was ghastly if he had been wasting away in bed for who knew how long, but he straightened himself and tried to seem alert. “I know Inuyasha has nursed me and you both smell of human.” Inuyasha and Rin appeared uncomfortable at the latter comment. “What I am to you is not something I know. It is true, my memory is damaged. There are scattered, misplaced images and ideas that do not make sense. However, I do feel better. I am able to leave.” Sesshomaru did not enjoy this scrutiny, nor did he enjoy the idea of allowing himself to be treated as a fragile pup.

“ _Leave_?” Inuyasha and Rin shouted in unison.

“But we are your family,” Rin pleaded.

“This is your home,” added Inuyasha with an air of distress.

_Family? Home?_

How could they be his family? Everything about them told Sesshomaru that he was nothing like them.

And his home? Sesshomaru glanced around the room. The space was unimpressive in size. Decoration was limited. Nothing about the room felt like home to him.

Then again, what reason did these people have to lie? Sesshomaru had no evidence against their claims. And that horrible feeling in his gut worsened whenever he looked into their eyes and saw that they were just as lost as he was. Their feelings toward him were not to be dismissed.

Perhaps if he lingered long enough in their presence his memories would return to him. For now, this was the only thing he could truly hope for.

Sesshomaru decided to give this strange life a chance before _charging into the unknown like a dumbass_ as Inuyasha put it.

After managing a solitary bath and a pleasant hunt for a meal of young elk, Sesshomaru rejoined Inuyasha and Rin in the main living chamber of the place that was his home. Seated atop straw cushions, they spoke into the late afternoon hours. 

First, Sesshomaru learned of himself. Sesshomaru was a particularly powerful youkai who wielded magical swords and defended the land against dangerous youkai. That was the straightforward description. Inuyasha and Rin spoke for far too long about the achievements he had made as this powerful being, probably thinking it would make him remember something or feel something about himself. Of course, he was glad he was not described as some kind of weakling. But he could not feel any strong connection to the information.

Second, he learned of Rin. When Rin was just a child, Sesshomaru resurrected her with his sword of healing and permitted her to travel with him. He’d practically raised her. A strange notion. He wondered what had compelled him. Rin no longer lived with him, as she had made a life with a serpent youkai named Ryuunosuke. The pair visited sometimes. Sesshomaru supposed, under normal circumstances, a visit from the girl would have made him sentimental.

Lastly, for the time being, Sesshomaru learned of Inuyasha. Being his half-brother, Inuyasha shared a father with Sesshomaru. A father who was long deceased. Inuyasha’s other half was human. Apparently, humanity was a very normal thing in Sesshomaru’s life.

It made sense that they were brothers. Their eyes were the same color and their hair was nearly the same shade of silver. This familial bond also explained the closeness Sesshomaru had felt between himself and Inuyasha when he had first caught his scent and felt his concerned touch. Sesshomaru was glad to have a true member of his family by his side. It was now clear; he could trust Inuyasha. 

That general knowledge of his past was Sesshomaru’s tie to this world. And with it he fell into a general routine of meditating, reading, hunting, swordplay, and combating demons because that was what his old self did. Sesshomaru took to the fighting well; he supposed his body remembered his many years of training and experience even when his mind did not.

His external wounds healed and his mind sharpened.

Inuyasha was almost always with him, a welcome presence. Inuyasha was a gruff, honest fellow who laughed easily and often. Though Sesshomaru often sensed a deep sadness in him. Seeing as the hanyou always tried to hide this from him behind garish remarks, it was most likely Sesshomaru’s fault. He’d no idea how he could apologize to his brother or if such an apology would even be well received. So Sesshomaru let it be, though his chest was heavy.

Rin returned home, visiting when she could, while Inuyasha stayed in Sesshomaru’s abode. Even though Sesshomaru gladly would have shared his room, Inuyasha slept on a straw pile outside with a claim that he preferred the fresh air. Sesshomaru could only think of the time he had first fully awakened from his long slumber to find Inuyasha curled up at his side. Perhaps the exhaustion of watching over Sesshomaru had forced Inuyasha to sleep that way. But Sesshomaru had been glad of it. 

Eventually, Sesshomaru took to spending evenings outside with Inuyasha before the time came for them both to retire. At first the gesture had been fueled by curiosity and boredom. Inuyasha had done little else out there besides sit silently and watch whatever held his interest amongst the trees. When it came to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru preferred the noise.

Soon, the evening was _their_ time. It promised camaraderie. They sparred at times and walked and swam. Inuyasha told stories of multiple evils and adventures alongside the humans, seeming to mention only sparse interactions between himself and Sesshomaru. Less and less Inuyasha mentioned Sesshomaru’s memory loss until it seemed to have dissolved from conversation altogether. Sesshomaru did not know what to make of it.

“Tell me,” said Sesshomaru while the two sat on the shore of a lake beneath the moon. Their bare, outstretched toes sifted through the cool sand. “What was I like? Before.” _Before_ seemed a better verbal indication of that time than _when I had all my wits about me and actually fully knew whom in the blazes you are._

“Hah?” Inuyasha cocked his head with a frown and tossed the stone he had been fingering into the water. “Haven’t we already been over that?”

Sesshomaru shook his head and shifted so he was facing Inuyasha more than he was the lake. “You told me of my pastimes and achievements. That is not the same thing.”

Inuyasha fidgeted while he put on a face that indicated deep thought. The expression consisted of unfocused eyes and a strange, unconscious nibbling and puckering of his lips on one side of his face. Sesshomaru continued to stare and gave his brother something close to a scowl.

“Tell me you at least _remember_ , Inuyasha.” Sesshomaru was only half serious.

Inuyasha tossed an acorn at his head—how did Inuyasha always have throwing objects on hand—but it was easily dodged. This was such a small response for Inuyasha; he hadn’t even scoffed. The hanyou’s reluctance to merely look his way was steadily beginning to grate on Sesshomaru’s nerves. Inuyasha had gladly answered his questioned before this…

“You _will_ answer me,” said Sesshomaru in earnest. Inuyasha did look at him then, strangely and with searching eyes. Perhaps it was something in his annoyed tone that made Inuyasha start. Sesshomaru made an effort to refrain from speaking harshly towards at his brother, who had stayed with him to help him adjust without complaint, though at times he could not hold it back.

“Well you were a real _prick_ for one thing,” Inuyasha suddenly snapped.

Sesshomaru blinked at him.

Inuyasha’s burst of anger crumbled into something incredulous and he buried his face in his hands with a groan. “ _Fuck_ ing—no,” he said, his voice muffled. He breathed deeply before lifting his head and shoving some stray hair away from regretful eyes. “That’s not really what I meant to say.”

Despite the tortured look Inuyasha was giving him, the corner of Sesshomaru’s mouth curled. “Oh, I believe it is.” Sesshomaru was thoroughly amused by Inuyasha’s declaration. Had Inuyasha been holding his words back for fear that Sesshomaru was too fragile? It seemed, at least, Sesshomaru might finally receive some uncensored truth. “My status as a ‘real prick’ has been established,” said Sesshomaru casually. “What else do you have?”

After a moment of surprised silence, Inuyasha’s expression lost its constipation and a slow smile crept onto his lips. “You’re one weird youkai,” he said with a quirked brow. The statement seemed fond.

Sesshomaru’s eyes fixated on the glassy, reflective surface of the lake. The air was clear and light from where he sat, content. “Is that a response to my current behavior or another declaration of my character?" 

“Both,” Inuyasha laughed. Arms encircled Sesshomaru, firm in their committed grip. They lingered longer than Sesshomaru would have expected them to during this show of affection Inuyasha simply did not share with him when it was clear neither of them were dying. Those arms shifted to pull away during the youkai’s contemplative daze and immediately Sesshomaru grabbed Inuyasha to pull him back with his own longer arms. Inuyasha’s raw scent filled Sesshomaru’s nose and an overwhelming sense of peace claimed him.

“Sesshomaru..?”

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, not recalling having closed them. With the hesitant tone in Inuyasha’s voice, Sesshomaru released him, having been guilty of lingering too long as well.

They reclaimed their proper sitting positions in the sand, though their sides now touched. It seemed Inuyasha did not at all mind the proximity. Inuyasha seemed younger now, less hardened by the world as Sesshomaru often sensed he was.

“We didn’t always…get along,” admitted Inuyasha eventually. “Actually, we hated each other for most of our lives.”

Sesshomaru’s brows knitted. So they had a complicated history. “What changed?” he asked softly.

“I’m not really sure,” replied Inuyasha with a shake of his head. “I guess we had a common enemy and realized we needed each other more than we needed our pride. It wasn’t ‘til then that I started getting to know you. The you who wasn’t _always_ the ‘prick’ you.” Inuyasha grinned.

Sesshomaru elbowed his brother with no real force. Inuyasha only laughed and retaliated with a shove. Sesshomaru’s eyes threatened a dip in the lake and Inuyasha held up his hands, calling a truce. “Don’tcha want me to continue?” Inuyasha asked pointedly.

Sesshomaru did of course, so he spared Inuyasha for the time being.

Inuyasha scratched his chin, his smirk softening as he appeared to reclaim his direction of thought. “The realyou surprised me. I found out you cared about things. _Really cared_. I guess I’d kind of assumed you were made of stone and couldn’t possibly feel anything. I almost didn’t forgive you.”

Sesshomaru dug his claws into his knee as he watched Inuyasha intently, solemnly. Sesshomaru could not imagine the person he had been if Inuyasha had thought such a thing of him. How close had they been to hating each other for the rest of their lives?

“You’d changed though,” Inuyasha continued. “Somehow. That, or you stopped worrying that someone might think you were weak or some bullshit. Because anyone having the balls to think that about you would have to be way off their nut.” Inuyasha chuckled to himself, probably reliving a memory known only to him. “I realized you have a sense of humor. Dark as hell sometimes, but it’s there. I knew you were smart before. But I learned that, once you got your head out of your ass, you could actually be kind of…wise.” The hanyou cleared his throat strangely. “But that was after we could stand each other’s company for longer than it took one of us to blow a fuse.”

Sesshomaru swallowed as he waited for Inuyasha to say more. Something that had crept into Inuyasha’s voice made him feel almost nervous. Why was that?

“You were a wanderer, you know.”

Sesshomaru tilted his head, uncomprehending of the vague bit of information. “In what way?” he asked.

“Well… You never stayed in the same place. Always disappearing.” A nostalgic look fell across Inuyasha’s face as he crossed his legs. “I never knew how far you went or why you never seemed to stop. But for as long as I can remember, you wandered. I’m not even sure if you had a real home before this one.” Inuyasha frowned, probably realizing this was yet another thing he may never be able to ask Sesshomaru again.

“What changed?” Sesshomaru wondered aloud. As Inuyasha said, Sesshomaru indeed had a home now. So he must have ceased his wandering at some point. Though the place he called home was still rather uninteresting and plain to him. It was so clean compared to the outdoors. And Inuyasha barely went inside, save for meal times. So when Sesshomaru was inside, he was often alone.

“You know,” mused Inuyasha, “that’s a damn good question. No one ever made you do a thing in your life, Sesshomaru, so giving it a rest was a decision you made on your own.”

Sesshomaru pursed his lips, wondering if he would always be such a mystery to himself. Even Inuyasha, who appeared to be the closest living person to him, had no idea what coaxed Sesshomaru to make any of his life-altering decisions.

A thought occurred to Sesshomaru, then. “And what about you, Inuyasha? Why do you stay here?” Inuyasha was young and strong with a pleasing face. He was also kind and sentimental, as much as he would fight a person who called him either of those things. So why in the world was he not out in search of a life mate?

Inuyasha hesitated and Sesshomaru’s stomach tightened. Perhaps Inuyasha hadn’t a real reason for staying. Perhaps Inuyasha was there purely out of pity. Perhaps Sesshomaru was keeping Inuyasha from living the life he should have been living. Perhaps—

“You’re my family, Sesshomaru.” Sesshomaru caught Inuyasha’s eyes, their sincerity piercing, and Inuyasha bumped shoulders with him good-naturedly. “You’re all I got.”

“And that is enough?” Sesshomaru knew Inuyasha could be anywhere. He could be living with the humans as he once did. Or he could be wandering, having adventures entirely his own, without obligation.

With a sigh, Inuyasha lied back and folded his arms beneath his head dismissively. “It is for me.” 

They each fell asleep beneath the stars that night. And in the chill of the hour before dawn, Inuyasha unconsciously partook of Sesshomaru’s warmth.


	2. Chapter 2

"AHHHHH-HAHAHAHA!" Clutching the fur at the back of Sesshomaru's neck for dear life, Inuyasha screamed and guffawed into his ears. "Wooooooo! HOLY SHIT—how can you even _see_?!" Fully transformed and with Inuyasha attached to his back, Sesshomaru dashed through the trees at top speeds, turning every shape and color around them into an endless blur. Truth be told, Sesshomaru sensed the obstacles ahead more than he actually saw them. But either way, Inuyasha was obviously impressed. Sesshomaru gave a wolfish grin and leapt higher than the ancient trees of the forest before allowing himself to drop sharply. He'd warned his brother that this would be no leisurely trot. Though he had to admit, Inuyasha was fairing better than he'd imagined. Inuyasha had cursed almost the entire way, but Sesshomaru could feel his brother's glee.

They'd been at this for hours and Inuyasha still held fast. Admittedly, Sesshomaru himself was beginning to tire of this swift pace. He slowed gradually, coming to a full stop before he could hurl them both off of a rather steep cliff.

Sesshomaru's great chest heaved with breathlessness while he gazed down at the distant world far beneath his paws. A river flowed at the foot of the cliff, a source of life for the adjacent village. It all looked so small, so fragile. Sesshomaru wondered if he had ever known what that felt like.

Inuyasha slid off of Sesshomaru's back then and landed on his feet, shaking his arms out. "Damn," he groaned, rolling his head from shoulder to shoulder. "My thighs were clenched for so long my ass oughta be made of steel by now! I'm definitely gonna feel this tomorrow."

Sesshomaru turned his attention to Inuyasha, giving an amused snort. Inuyasha's eyes were bloodshot after holding them open against the constant dry wind, and his already wild hair was tossed about his face in frizzy strands, the tangles causing the mass to be three times its normal size.

Sesshomaru ran his long tongue up the side of his brother's face for good measure.

Inuyasha froze for a split second before horror spread across every inch of his face and he squirmed, flailing and wiping at the excessive saliva with his sleeve. "Ugh, Sesshomaru! I can't believe— _oh my god_ —your tongue is as big as  _me_!" The hanyou glared up at him, though Sesshomaru was sure a drowned rat could have looked more threatening in this moment. "You are one sick bastard."

Sesshomaru shrugged and dug a bothersome stick out of his paw with his teeth. They both knew he could have done far worse.

Soon, Sesshomaru's tongue seemed to be all but forgotten as Inuyasha was leaning against his side, noisily crunching down some apples he'd brought with him. Sesshomaru could not help but marvel at Inuyasha's size compared to his own for about the tenth time that day. Inuyasha was obviously comfortable with the difference to be so close to him all the time; though, after all Inuyasha had said about their history, Sesshomaru knew it must have taken Inuyasha a long time to trust him in this way. If Sesshomaru truly intended to do so, especially with the way they were sitting, he could easily crush his brother between his jaws before Inuyasha ever knew something was amiss. The youkai nearly shuddered at the mere thought, unable to imagine ever wanting to do such a thing… He severely hoped his old self had never despised Inuyasha so much. He mustn't have, seeing as Inuyasha was still alive.

In a sudden bout of protective instinct spawned by his gruesome thoughts, Sesshomaru shifted, placing his enormous front paws on either side of his brother, and stuck his nose into Inuyasha's shoulder through a curtain of hair, nuzzling a bit. Inuyasha shot him a confused look over said shoulder, but he eventually just grinned and patted Sesshomaru's snout.

"Ya know, Sesshomaru, the old you never woulda let me ride on your back. Actually…" Inuyasha frowned, his hand stilling amidst Sesshomaru's whiskers. "It's weird. You never really liked being in this form around me. I used to think about it sometimes because, since you're so proud of your youkai heritage, I couldn't believe you never seemed to want to be this, this  _huge_ , fangy, awesome fucking badass  _beast_."

Sesshomaru sniffed, amused by the colorful description of his current form and by the way both of Inuyasha's arms had spread completely to help convey Sesshomaru's mass. His brother certainly had a way with words. "I kinda wish I'd asked you," continued Inuyasha with a sigh. "But I didn't want you to think I had anything against you being whichever way you wanted," he said rather quickly. "You're great  _both_ ways." Inuyasha's cheeks colored strangely before he rested his chin on drawn up knees with a slight scowl. Sesshomaru tilted his head at that, unsure of what to make of it. Most of Inuyasha's points were not such blatant compliments.

The hanyou was often far too pleasant whenever his mind swam in the past. Inuyasha was missing him still—missing Sesshomaru while he was right there beside him. They were touching.

And yet Sesshomaru was still not the one Inuyasha wanted. Sesshomaru was a fraud with a beloved brother's skin.

The longing to cradle Inuyasha took Sesshomaru by surprise. And this was not the first time. Sesshomaru never failed to feel Inuyasha's sorrow with his own being. It was instinctual. But how could such coddling be well received? Inuyasha was a man—he needed no such treatment. Sesshomaru would risk dishonoring him. Furthermore, it was not likely the way his old self would have behaved. And that was the person Inuyasha needed him to be.

A short whine escaped Sesshomaru's throat, surprising both Inuyasha and himself. Inuyasha swiveled around, nearly nose-to-nose with Sesshomaru, his brows knitted. "I've never heard you make that sound," said Inuyasha thoughtfully. Interestingly enough, the look on his face was not at all mocking. "I've heard you growl, snarl, howl, and pant but…"

Sesshomaru looked away. Inuyasha merely rose to his feet and sauntered into Sesshomaru's peripheral vision before slumping against the side of his face below his right ear. He leaned his whole body into Sesshomaru, his claws burrowing into Sesshomaru's fur and scratching pleasantly. Even Inuyasha's cheek rested against him. Inuyasha was…he was doing what Sesshomaru had been contemplating doing for  _him_. It was awkward. And Inuyasha was like a mouse trying to hug a tree. And Sesshomaru found himself leaning into it.

"I know you can't talk like this," Inuyasha murmured into his fur. "I also know you probably wouldn't tell me what's eating at you anyways. But damn it, you're not supposed to look at me like that. Giant red eyes are supposed to be menacing, for cryin' out loud."

In this moment, Inuyasha was only capable of embracing a miniscule portion of him. But Sesshomaru's entire body bristled with foreign pleasure at the gesture, and his heart was beating a bit too quickly. It was a shameful reaction but Sesshomaru could not bring himself to push Inuyasha away.

Not until something pierced Sesshomaru's side and shocked his nerves into motion.

Before Sesshomaru had even registered the threat, Sesshomaru was snarling and baring his teeth with Inuyasha safely deposited at his backside. A large group of human men stood before Sesshomaru, their bows drawn taut in anticipation of an attack. It was an organized hunting party. Sesshomaru must have been spotted by the villagers who dwelled by the river. He'd been too focused on Inuyasha to notice their approach.

The humans no longer held the advantage of surprise. Failure to kill Sesshomaru with the first strike had been a fatal mistake. Enraged, Sesshomaru prepared to lunge. He would have them all torn limb from limb before they could even think to target Inuyasha.

A flash of red and silver below him stopped Sesshomaru in his tracks, momentarily stunting his bloodlust. Inuyasha had rushed unarmed between Sesshomaru and the humans.

"Not a step further!" Inuyasha bellowed, his claws spread dangerously. "Everyone just calm the  _fuck_ down!"

The men seemed to freeze for a moment in confusion before something dawned on their faces and they lowered their bows to Inuyasha, murmuring amongst themselves.

"It's just the damn hanyou wretch," one pot-bellied human shouted to the rest.

Sesshomaru's blood boiled.

The same human spat and squinted accusingly at Inuyasha. "The hell are you doing bringing this monster to the village?" the repulsive human demanded, having the gall to jab his finger at Sesshomaru as he spoke. "You're supposed to keep these things away from us, not scare the piss out of the children, you good-for-nothing whelp!"

Sesshomaru took a step forward, his saliva growing toxic inside his mouth. But Inuyasha's gaze cut back towards him for a moment, firmly pleading with him to remain where he was. Inuyasha was apparently all too familiar with these vile, entitled swine.

"This  _monster_  happens to be my  _brother_ , asshole," growled Inuyasha furiously. "And we're not even in the village! Put the goddamn arrows away, he's not going to hurt anyone."

Inuyasha was placing far too much faith in Sesshomaru in this moment.

The humans were similarly unconvinced by Inuyasha's claim.

"Change back," Inuyasha hissed at Sesshomaru suddenly, desperately, and Sesshomaru's resolve broke. Inuyasha was protecting Sesshomaru. But even more so, Inuyasha was protecting the humans.

Sesshomaru took a rabid swipe at the men, drawing out their screams of terror, merely knocking them all into the dirt where they belonged. For Inuyasha's sake alone, Sesshomaru left it at that and snatched Inuyasha into the air kicking and cursing by the back of his haori, bounded over the disoriented men, and disappeared back into the ancient forest.

Swinging from his mouth, Inuyasha struggled and ripped out a handful of Sesshomaru's lip hairs, but the youkai ignored him. Animals scurried and trees splintered in Sesshomaru's unyielding path. Only once they'd happened upon a hot spring did Sesshomaru relinquish his hold on Inuyasha.

Landing hard on his rear, Inuyasha turned enraged eyes on Sesshomaru. The hanyou's expression wavered then. Something in Sesshomaru's face seemed to extinguish whatever Inuyasha was about to say.

Inuyasha may have lost his words, but Sesshomaru certainly had not.

Power surged around Sesshomaru momentarily, heating the surrounding air before it was abruptly condensed within the form that did not drool acid when he was angry. He was human-sized once more. Though his frigid glare was anything but human.

Inuyasha scrambled to his feet, clearly on guard, until suddenly he was moving straight for Sesshomaru. Denying the approach, Sesshomaru held up his hand. But Inuyasha seemed to have regained his wits, as he was not deterred.

"Sesshomaru, you're  _hurt_ ," Inuyasha persisted, exasperated.

To that, Sesshomaru grasped the arrow protruding from his aching side and wrenched it out with a pained grunt, tossing the bloodied length at his feet without breaking eye contact. "Inuyasha." Sesshomaru's claws bit into his palms. "What manner of creature  _are_  you?!" Sesshomaru outright shouted, startling Inuyasha into stopping just out of arm's reach.

"Wha-what? I don't—"

"Are you a mindless animal? Are you a slave and have simply neglected to inform me of this?"

A muscle ticked in Inuyasha's jaw. "That's enough, Sesshomaru."

"No. No, it is not  _enough_." Sesshomaru slashed the air with his arm for emphasis and felt blood dribble down his side. "You protect these lands. You risk your life for them. Why in seven hells, then, do you allow those humans to speak to you as though they own you, you thrice-damned imbecile? Explain yourself!"

"You want me to  _explain_ myself?" Flushed, Inuyasha strode forward to yell directly in Sesshomaru's face. "This is nothing new, Sesshomaru! People have been treating me this way my entire life! It's because I'm  _nothing_! Don't you understand that?! I'm mixed, I'm dirty, I'm neither one nor the other, I'm a hanyou! It's all the same thing!"

"How do the circumstances of your birth make you less than anyone else?" demanded Sesshomaru, perplexed.

"Maybe you should have asked  _yourself_ that question when I was growing up!"

Locked in the heat of the other's gaze, they froze. Tension was thick in the small space between them. Inuyasha looked about as shaken as Sesshomaru felt himself in this moment. Sesshomaru had been granted the truth he'd asked for. The unresolved truth he could not even remember carving into Inuyasha along with the rest of the world.

Numb to the core, Sesshomaru turned away, barely aware of his current intent as he stripped away the clothing irritating his side, followed by anything that covered his skin.

Inuyasha gawked. "C-come on," the hanyou stammered quietly. "Gods, Sesshomaru… What do you think you're doing?"

"I stopped here to bathe." Sesshomaru stepped down into steaming spring. "So I shall do just that." He lowered himself stiffly into a sitting position.

"But… Doesn't that hurt?"

"This is nothing. It will heal soon enough."

Inuyasha sighed loudly, irritated. Sesshomaru heard him roll up the legs of his hakama before Inuyasha seated himself on a rock at the edge of the hot spring and slipped his feet into the water. Though Sesshomaru focused his attention on washing away the grime clinging to his skin and hair, he knew Inuyasha was staring at him. What Inuyasha expected of him, he knew not. Inuyasha should have just stormed off. It would have been easier. Sesshomaru had no idea how he would face his brother now.

"I forgave you a long time ago, you know," said Inuyasha gently. "I really did. I was just mad is all…"

Sesshomaru punctured his cheek with a fang, deeply agitated. Damn Inuyasha. Why was he already trying to ease Sesshomaru's conscience? Inuyasha should  _burn_ to see the internal suffering of those who had wronged him. Gods, how foolish had Sesshomaru's former self been? How long had he considered Inuyasha to be less than he was?

Sesshomaru's eyes finally rose to Inuyasha's. "Why?" he asked rigidly. Why would Inuyasha ever forgive him?

Inuyasha rubbed the back of his neck, looking suddenly aged. "You learned to see past it. I was tired of fighting. Truth is, there was a time in my life I would've done anything for you just because you were my big brother. Guess there was still some of that left in me."

And there it was. Inuyasha had forgiven him merely because they were blood, not because Sesshomaru had actually deserved Inuyasha's forgiveness.

"We did not hate each other before," said Sesshomaru monotonously. " _I_ hated  _you_. You lied."

Inuyasha's ears drooped. "Yeah."

"I never apologized… Did I?" His cowardice in the past would explain Inuyasha's uprooting of a wound that should have been soothed by Sesshomaru long ago.

"Well… Not exactly." Sesshomaru's suspicion was true. "But I knew you were sorry, Sesshomaru. For everything. I don't think you ever forgave yourself…" Inuyasha's expression became one of pity.

Not one single being deserved Inuyasha, least of all Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru had known his brother for about a year, now; and that time had been peaceful. He was unable to remember the many ways in which he'd shown his brother cruelty. And, to make matters worse, it sounded as though only a small fraction of their relationship had ever been civil. Sesshomaru knew he was getting off far too easily.

Rising swiftly to stand in his nakedness, Sesshomaru bent forward and bowed his head before his startled brother. "I apologize for my sins against you, Inuyasha," said Sesshomaru with all the sincerity in the world. "I hope you are truly able to forgive me someday."

When Sesshomaru chanced a look up at Inuyasha's face, the hanyou was as red as a skinned salmon. "S-sit your ass back down," sputtered Inuyasha, wide-eyed and fidgety. "For fuck's sake, Sesshomaru, I'd rather you just vomit all over me than spout all that crap.  _Fuck_." Inuyasha crossed his arms indignantly.

Sesshomaru complied and returned to his seat, a slight smirk ghosting over his lips. He'd said what he meant. Inuyasha would accept it or he wouldn't. The air felt lighter now at least.

In the end, Inuyasha joined Sesshomaru in the hot spring, choosing a spot beside Sesshomaru as he so often did. When silence extended in the proximity, Sesshomaru elected to wash Inuyasha's hair for him. Inuyasha leaned back in the water, eyes closed as Sesshomaru ran his claws along Inuyasha's scalp. It pleased Sesshomaru that Inuyasha would allow him to do such a thing. Inuyasha was so close, so trusting of Sesshomaru's claws. The contact was… Well, how would one describe a sip of water down a parched throat or a bite of food in a starving belly? Sesshomaru had learned over time that closeness and contact was part of Sesshomaru's natural desires. He craved it almost as he craved sustenance. But it was only Inuyasha who could quench it. Or, at least, Inuyasha was the only one Sesshomaru could imagine himself touching for an extended period of time.

"Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha's eyes had opened and a fang protruded over his lip. "What do you think, uh…of me?"

Sesshomaru's mouth twitched and a momentary fear that Inuyasha had somehow gained the ability to sense his direction of thought stilled his ministrations. "That is a strange inquiry," replied Sesshomaru carefully.

"Yeah, well…" Appearing unsure of himself now, Inuyasha rubbed his nose. But he did not back down. "It's just that I was thinking about earlier—and I swear I'm not tryin' to start anything," he promised quickly with a finger stabbed into the air. Sesshomaru nodded, his hand still threaded through Inuyasha's hair. "I haven't seen you that mad since before your brains got scrambled. You know, I once had to stop you from forcing a leopard demon to eat his own balls after he'd tried to buy me from you for sex and labor as if I was your property." Inuyasha chuckled heartily when Sesshomaru's jaw unhinged momentarily. "It always insulted you way more than it insulted me…heh."

"Naturally," affirmed Sesshomaru in a clipped tone, unable to believe Inuyasha would make light of a situation like that and surprised Inuyasha had been able to stop him from punishing the cur. "Is there a point to this?"

"Yeah, yeah," Inuyasha waved a hand. "You basically flipped your shit back there because those village morons got away with talkin' down to me. Point is, even though you can't remember, you're a lot like the Sesshomaru I've known my whole life—minus the rocky bits."

Sesshomaru raised a brow. He'd been convinced he was disgracing the image of his former self. Was that not the reason Inuyasha still grew quiet and fidgety in his presence when he assumed Sesshomaru would think nothing of it?

"Is that so?" asked Sesshomaru incredulously.

"You even washed my hair like this a time or ten." Inuyasha grinned. "You told me it was because I didn't do it right so it was always tangled. Even though that was your reason, I'm pretty sure you just wanted to touch me."

Sesshomaru's eye twitched as he tried not to avert his gaze, as he so wanted to in that moment. "Presumptuous."

"Haha, right, probably." Inuyasha cleared his throat. "So I was wondering if… If you feel, um…"

"Yes?" What was with Inuyasha's tone?

"What I mean is—how's your wound feel?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The look on Inuyasha's face seemed almost pained, and somehow Sesshomaru doubted it was empathetic.

Sesshomaru slipped his hands out of Inuyasha's hair and grasped him by the wrist, guiding his Inuyasha beneath the water to where the arrow had pierced him. Inuyasha had been pulled flush against him, the action appearing to have crossed a boundary with Inuyasha for his entire body stiffened. Sesshomaru's grip did not allow any backwards movement.

"The hell are you doing now, Sesshomaru?"

"Answering your question."

"Augh." With a scowl, Inuyasha ran his fingers along Sesshomaru's side. The sensation prickled Sesshomaru's spine. "Coulda just told me," grumbled Inuyasha under his breath. "Hey, it's smooth." Inuyasha looked up. "It closed already? Figures. It's creepy how invincible you are."

Sesshomaru allowed Inuyasha to move away then, his skin tingling and his mind whirring out of focus. "I am ready to go home."

* * *

Inuyasha was behaving strangely of late. He smiled often but he was quieter. He bathed only when he was alone. He slept less. Food was of little interest to him.  _Food_. And on top of that, Inuyasha had just turned down a hunt with Sesshomaru. Inuyasha possessed a deep fascination with Sesshomaru's unsealed form, and yet he had elected to miss a chance to join him when Sesshomaru had verbally invited him.

Alone time. This had been Inuyasha's request. Sesshomaru could very well understand the need for that. And for that reason, Sesshomaru left him with the intention of hunting delectable demons until dawn. Even If he was not overly pleased about doing so.

When Sesshomaru scented Rin, however, he turned promptly around. If Rin were to pay them a visit, Inuyasha would most likely refrain from turning her away and would therefore give up on having his alone time anyway. Pregnant as she was, she visited less often of late. Also, Sesshomaru could admit—to himself—that he had grown rather fond of the girl. She could be outspoken at times but she was kind, so kind Sesshomaru found it difficult to believe he had raised her. And she adored Inuyasha.

The voices of both Inuyasha and Rin captured Sesshomaru's attention as he approached the front entrance of his dwelling.

"I can't take it anymore, Rin."

_What?_

Sesshomaru crouched beside the woodpile, out of view from the window, and listened.

"I know, sweetie," replied Rin mournfully. Sesshomaru heard the sound of tea being poured. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, you  _have_ to tell him. I know why you've put it off but I really think he can handle it now."

"It's not that I think he can't handle it, it's just… It's a lot to take in and…" Inuyasha sighed dramatically. "Aw screw it, I'm a coward. The words won't come out. I almost told him. I was so  _close._ He'd been shot and we were taking a bath—"

"He was  _shot_?" Rin's high-pitched question rang in Sesshomaru's ears.

"Nowhere important!" Sesshomaru rolled his eyes at that. "Really, he's fine. Healed up like a total asshole before we even came home."

Rin gave a sigh of relief. "Jeez. Your recklessness is going to force me into labor."

" _Me?_ I didn't do anything!" Inuyasha paused before grumbling, "It's not  _always_ my fault."

"Inuyasha, focus. You said you almost told him."  _Yes_ , Sesshomaru thought, focus. This conversation was trying his patience and his nerves. What was it Inuyasha had been trying to tell him? It was something Inuyasha could tell Rin but not Sesshomaru?

"Right. We were at a hot spring, it was the perfect place! Oh don't give me that look, you're an adult too!"

"Ah! La-la-la-la-la! For the love of—please, just skip that part. I take it you haven't said anything about it since then?"

"No… Actually, I've uh... I've sorta been avoiding him."

"Avoiding him? He's going to think you're angry with him or something silly like that! That's cruel."

"I already feel bad enough, Rin! I practically had to kick him off the property today so I could talk to you! You're the only one who knows him better than I do…"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry! I just can't watch you do this to yourself and to him anymore…"

There was a long pause in their conversation, the only sound being the sipping of tea. Sesshomaru could sense Inuyasha's tension from outside. There was a severity to this discussion. It caused Sesshomaru's heart to beat against his chest.

"I miss my mate," declared Inuyasha softly, his voice unsteady. "I need him so much it kills me. I just want to  _hold_ him."

Sesshomaru's stomach dropped, the tone of Inuyasha's voice slicing deep into his heart.

A mate. Inuyasha had a mate who was nowhere to be seen and Inuyasha was in pain because of it. This explained everything. The strange behavior, the lack of appetite… Inuyasha was depriving himself of contact with his mate. Prolonged separation could be devastating to the health of a mated pair. The bond was a part of their very beings and they were a part of each other. Sesshomaru could not recall how he knew this but he knew it down to his bones.

As much as he should have been feeling sympathy for Inuyasha, Sesshomaru was undeniably wounded. How could Inuyasha have hidden this from him? Was it due to the fact his mate was male? Or was his mate human, perhaps? Maybe Sesshomaru had despised Inuyasha's choice of a mate in the past. Or Inuyasha's mate despised  _him._  Whatever the reason, how could it have been so horrible that Inuyasha would have hidden him for over a year and suffered needlessly? Not only was Inuyasha hurting himself, he was hurting his mate.

Inuyasha should have known Sesshomaru would understand. He'd lost his memory, he was not mentally impaired! Sesshomaru had needed him for a time, but this was just preposterous. If his brother did not want Sesshomaru around his mate, then…

Sesshomaru had no choice. Either he would force Inuyasha out or he would simply leave the area himself. As Inuyasha had told him, Sesshomaru was once a wanderer. And he could be so again.

The rest of Inuyasha and Rin's conversation drifted by his ears, unregistered. He'd only made it a few paces in the opposite direction before the door to the house burst open and out stepped Inuyasha.

"Sesshomaru..? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be hunting."

Sesshomaru stopped, forcing himself to face his brother. It occurred to him then that he should at least inform Inuyasha of his intentions. His mind was just so…sluggish.

"Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin followed Inuyasha's path out of the house, her nervous stare matching Inuyasha's.

"How…" Inuyasha swallowed, taking another step towards Sesshomaru. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," replied Sesshomaru bitterly. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"Wh-what?" Inuyasha's voice quivered.

"I will not have a brother of mine continue on this way. So I have decided to travel indefinitely."

"Sessh _omaru_ -sama!"

Inuyasha thrust his arm outward to stop Rin's attempted advance. The expression on Inuyasha's face was nothing less than shattered. Inuyasha should have been overjoyed at the opportunity to return to his old life.

"You're…you're leaving?" The waver in Inuyasha's eyes turned to fury. "I can't  _believe_ you! This is your goddamn solution for everything! You don't get what you want? You leave! Someone tells you something you don't want to hear? You leave! This is exactly why I couldn't tell you!"

Sesshomaru's lip curled. "Did you think I would not be disturbed by this? I never knew you could be so utterly irresponsible."

"The hell does my level of responsibility have to do with the way I feel?"

"It has everything to do with it. You have left your mate alone all this time. I will not allow you to be so foolish."

Inuyasha gaped. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"If he and I cannot coexist, then I will make your decision simple for you before you waste away. Go to him."

"Okay, that is  _it_!"

Inuyasha stormed forward, aiming to drive his fist into Sesshomaru's stomach but it smacked the palm of Sesshomaru's hand instead. Inuyasha's free hand fisted in Sesshomaru's kimono, nearly tearing the fabric.

" _You're_ my mate, you stupid son of a  _whore_!" Inuyasha screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing through the trees.

Rin gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth.

Sesshomaru gazed down into Inuyasha's eyes and saw only truth. And agony.

For only a fraction of a moment, Sesshomaru was aghast, his mind attempting to accommodate a relationship with Inuyasha that was more than blood. But after the moment had passed, Sesshomaru realized there was no accommodation needed. The affection, the adoration…the desire—it was all right there, radiating from his soul.

And all this time…Inuyasha had waited for him. He'd waited for Sesshomaru to realize it for himself. For Sesshomaru to accept him as he had already done once before.

Inuyasha was his mate.

Inuyasha seemed to be trembling when Sesshomaru raised his hand to slide his fingers along Inuyasha's jaw and into his hair. "Inuyasha, I—"

His vision blurring, the ground rushed up to meet him.


	3. Chapter 3

Inuyasha and Rin knelt over Sesshomaru, their faces rife with panic. He lied there, dizzy and slowly blinking, having no idea how he ended up on the ground.

He'd distressed his family again.

An image flashed behind Sesshomaru's eyes. Someone was digging through the stone and debris, calling for him. There was the scent of his own blood and the sensation of someone lifting him up against a warm chest with a frightened heart.

"Sesshomaru, look at me," said Inuyasha gently, pulling Sesshomaru from his thoughts. "Do you know who we are?"

It was as if he'd awoken from an impossibly long dream.

Sesshomaru sat up, relishing in the clarity of it all.

"Wait, no, Sesshomaru," Inuyasha protested, placing both hands on Sesshomaru's shoulders, "don't move. You passed out."

"Indeed. Though I assure you, Inuyasha, I am perfectly well."

Inuyasha's fingers squeezed. "You're not allowed to be the judge of that."

"Oh no?" challenged Sesshomaru with an arched brow. Before Inuyasha could react to the glint in Sesshomaru's eye, Sesshomaru had flipped Inuyasha onto his back and glided to his feet. He brushed dirt from himself, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was busy drawing air back into his forcefully emptied lungs. "Okay," Inuyasha wheezed. "Made your point."

Inuyasha reached out a hand and Sesshomaru grasped his forearm, hauling him up. He did not let go.

"Rin."

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama?" She beamed at him lovingly, a new light in her eyes.

"Forgive my rudeness, but do make yourself comfortable. We must excuse ourselves for a time."

Rin bowed her head, hands folded over her stomach. "Of course."

But Sesshomaru was already bodily tugging Inuyasha through the forest.

"What the hell?" Inuyasha wriggled his arm to no avail. "Where are we going? Don't ignore me!"

When Sesshomaru did not respond, Inuyasha quieted sulkily. But the silence only lasted for so long.

"Hey… Hey. Hey!"

When Sesshomaru was certain they were far enough away, he swung Inuyasha around to face him and pinned him hard against a tree. Wide-eyed and pressed fully against Sesshomaru's front, Inuyasha did not fight. In fact, Inuyasha grabbed Sesshomaru's hair and pulled his face close enough for their noses to touch, stopping short of a very bold move.

They lingered, their breaths mingling, as if they'd never done this before. There was the slight tremble of Inuyasha's lips and the flattening of his ears. There was the dry heat in Sesshomaru's throat and the sinking in his gut. There was the helpless fidgeting with each other's hair and clothes. There was the absence of the rest of the world.

Sesshomaru was the one to spare Inuyasha the task; he closed the distance himself.

With Inuyasha's face in his hands, his lips met Inuyasha's neck. Inuyasha took hold of Sesshomaru's waist then, releasing a shaky breath. Eyes sliding closed, Sesshomaru trailed his lips along Inuyasha's corded neck to his jaw, inhaling deeply. The hanyou smelled of earth, grass, sweat, and the addictive, masculine scent belonging only to him. How could one being smell this wonderful?

When Sesshomaru finally met Inuyasha's lips, he was nearly taken by surprise. Those lips moved against his own almost immediately. Without coaxing, without hesitation, Inuyasha simply kissed his lips in return.

Before Inuyasha, this level of affection had been unappealing and pointless. He'd not understood what it meant to truly desire someone. A body was a useless, uninteresting piece of flesh without the mind and words to make it something  _more_. Inuyasha was a male hanyou with scarred flesh and atrociously kept hair.

He was the most beautiful thing Sesshomaru had ever known existed.

Inuyasha opened his mouth, accepting him, inviting him to do the same. It was Inuyasha's fangs biting Sesshomaru's lip. It was Inuyasha's hands moving over Sesshomaru's chest beneath the folds of his kimono. It was Inuyasha's hushed moans that made Sesshomaru throb under the spell of need inflicted upon all flesh and blood creatures from which he was no longer exempt.

Inuyasha was Sesshomaru's greatest weakness.

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru panted raggedly, stilling his hands at the small of Inuyasha's back. "I must confess…"

"Con…confess what?" asked Inuyasha, equally unraveled. He sagged back against the tree, his fire rat robe slipping down to expose a shoulder.

Sesshomaru's claws brushed over the equally exposed collarbone and Inuyasha's throat bobbed. "For more than a year you played the part of my devoted brother," replied Sesshomaru in a low voice. "I knew nothing."

Inuyasha gave a mournful look. "I know. I can't even tell you how sorr—"

Sesshomaru's finger's covered Inuyasha's lips. "Allow me to finish."

Inuyasha nodded, though he pinched Sesshomaru's side spitefully. It was the spot Sesshomaru had been pierced by the arrow.

Sesshomaru huffed a short breath and removed his fingers, placing them instead where Inuyasha's neck met his shoulder. There, Sesshomaru affectionately fondled the skin where he'd marked the hanyou. Long-healed puncture marks still sensitive to the touch. The marks would never cease to fascinate him. That night, they'd coupled inside a cave by firelight, taking each other multiple times throughout. Inuyasha had marked  _him_  then as well. Sesshomaru's mind had forgotten the significance of his scar during this past year, but his body never had. The mark had thrummed with every seemingly insignificant touch from his brother.

"Not a single day passed that I did not  _ache_  for you," confessed Sesshomaru fervently, his golden eyes ablaze. "Insanity and doubt gripped me at every turn. I could not understand my own desires. You were always there, right in front of me, and that was where I needed you to be. I tried to behave as closely to the brother you once knew as I possibly could if it meant you would be with me for even a moment longer."

Inuyasha's breath hitched, moisture glistening in his eyes. "Sesshomaru…"

"Hush," whispered Sesshomaru before placing a chaste kiss on Inuyasha's forehead. This needed to be said. "Every touch from you was a bliss I was certain only I would ever long for. Robbed of my memories, I have been lost and foolish, living in denial. But I know now, Inuyasha…if you had told me the moment I awoke to your exhausted, concerned face that you are my mate, I would have believed you. I always knew I belonged to you. It is something that could never be erased."

Inuyasha's hand covered his mouth and his eyes were squeezed shut. It was a valiant, failing attempt at containing his emotions. Sesshomaru smiled softly and drew Inuyasha forward into his chest, cradling him as Sesshomaru had only dreamed of doing during his long recovery. He stroked the back of Inuyasha's head and over each soft, lain back ear while Inuyasha pulled himself together.

"The next time someone succeeds in dropping a cliff on my head you will at least tell me I am your exclusive instrument for pleasure, yes?"

Inuyasha snorted a laugh against Sesshomaru, though it sounded rather like a nasally sob.

"I would prefer a less jarring title, of course," continued Sesshomaru, "but at least that way I would deem it safe to request that you touch me. I cannot last another year without this. I am not as strong as you are." Inuyasha snorted once more and shook his head, effectively nuzzling between Sesshomaru's pectorals. "I want to remember these times for the rest of my days. With that in mind…" Sesshomaru circled the back of Inuyasha's neck with a thumb. "I want you to tell me about our fifth winter together and what your friends caught us doing. Tell me that you do not know which pillow is yours because we have both stolen each other's so many times. Tell me about the first time I saw your human form. Tell me you prefer to sleep with your arms wrapped around me."

Inuyasha looked up then, his eyes swollen and wet. Hope shone in that battered gaze. "You… _remember_ that stuff?"

"I remember everything."

"Holy shit. Holy  _shit_!" Inuyasha wound his arms around Sesshomaru's neck, shaking with laughter while he showered Sesshomaru's face with sloppy kisses. He nearly succeeded in crushing the breath out of the youkai.

"If I had known you would try to kill me I might have kept silent," replied Sesshomaru with mock annoyance.

"Oh come off it, you love this."

Inuyasha was right, of course. And though Sesshomaru would never say such a thing aloud…it was quite possible Sesshomaru was the more affectionate one of the two. Validating his mate's claim, Sesshomaru buried his face into the soft warmth of Inuyasha's neck, closing his eyes and holding onto him just as tightly.

There was no usual teasing remark. Inuyasha simply laid a hand on the back of his head, stroking his hair. Sesshomaru relished in this still moment, recalling how close he had come to relinquishing it. He might have doomed himself to wandering the land again, never to return, never to understand the turmoil in his heart. Inuyasha had stopped him. Somehow, Inuyasha had brought him back, had torn him from the dark. This creature in Sesshomaru's arms held a mysterious power unrecognized by Inuyasha himself. Inuyasha played at being the unaffected scoundrel when in truth he created peace for those around him. A rare soul, Inuyasha could be trusted with any life, indifferent to the blood that ran through a person's veins. Sesshomaru once considered this part of his brother a weakness, but he had been forced to recognize the strength required to show such mercy and to defend a world with no place for him in it.

Inuyasha had been forced to carve out a place for himself. Against all odds, Sesshomaru was now a part of Inuyasha's hard-earned life. Perhaps this was because there had never been a real place for Sesshomaru either. As it went, there truly was no rest for the wicked. Not until wickedness was no longer worth the estrangement.

"I swore I was gonna have to hold you down and beat you over the head with a log until something clicked and you liked me again," Inuyasha murmured against Sesshomaru's hair.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, exhaling amusedly. "I suppose I should be grateful your colorful words reached me before your violent streak did," replied Sesshomaru.

"You bet your ass—holy crap. Rin. She needs to know you're okay. You have to tell her."

Sesshomaru nearly winced. He knew Inuyasha was absolutely right and it was  _abhorrent_ of him to put off easing Rin's mind for any longer. And yet a significant portion of Sesshomaru wanted him to stay exactly where he was for the rest of his days.

Reluctantly, Sesshomaru peeled himself away from Inuyasha before they adjusted themselves accordingly and accompanied each other back to the house.

Sesshomaru welcomed the scent of their home as they walked through the door. It was the scent of a lived-in home—a blend of smoke, dirt, food, herbs, wool, and Inuyasha. He welcomed the accidental burn mark in the floor and the clearly patched, anger-driven hole in the wall. He welcomed the awkward, colorful array of cups and bowls, their matches lost or smashed, and he welcomed Inuyasha's inexperienced, lopsided attempt at crafting them a chest to hold their things. Each imperfection represented an irreplaceable memory.

"Hm?" Inuyasha lifted his leg and peeled a bit of inked parchment from the bottom of his foot. He scanned it, his cheeks reddening before he coughed and thrust the letter into Sesshomaru's hands. "Rin ain't here."

A curious brow risen, Sesshomaru straightened the parchment and read Rin's message.

_"My dear Sesshomaru-sama and Inuyasha,_

_I know what you both are up to, so I think it would be best for me to be nowhere near here right now. I also figured you might want to have the house to yourselves tonight, so I've gone home. Please, do pay my husband and me a visit tomorrow. We would both be happy to see you, so please be nice; I'll make red bean buns._

_Much love,_

_Rin"_

Eying Inuyasha's entertaining discomfort, Sesshomaru set the letter aside. Rin was a wonderful girl. "We are alone," he commented with a necessary amount of nonchalance.

"Yeah," agreed Inuyasha who absently scratched at his arm through his sleeve. "Guess we are."

Taking a step into Inuyasha's personal space, Sesshomaru took his brother's nerve-riddled hand and laced their fingers together. Inuyasha's gaze shifted helplessly. "The images flooding your head," breathed Sesshomaru into a fur-covered ear. "Would it be inaccurate to assume they involve a distinct lack of clothing?"

With a shake of his head, Inuyasha wet his lips. "It's been such a long time," Inuyasha reflected dazedly. The hand in Sesshomaru's gave a light squeeze.

"It has."

There was a pause.

"Bet I can get mine off before you can!" Inuyasha made a break for the room adjacent.

Cracking an undeniably fond smile, Sesshomaru was not far behind him. Inuyasha was indeed the first to strip down to his skin but Sesshomaru was the first to lounge sideways on the futon, his eyes beckoning. Inuyasha claimed the space in front of him so they faced each other, their legs interlocking in the same mutual motion.

There was no hesitation this time when they each closed their eyes and their mouths met in a strong clash of eager tongue and softly darting fang. The kiss was wide open and breathless from the start, shameless in its shared, wet, unkempt desire. Sesshomaru tasted Inuyasha deeply, mercilessly, his head bobbing forward while he held Inuyasha in place by his hair. With his free hand, Sesshomaru explored the smooth curves of a firm, muscular arm, imagining the near-forgotten strength of it wrapped securely around his midsection during the grinding throes of passion.

Inuyasha sucked Sesshomaru's bottom lip into his mouth, releasing it with a moist smack. He then rolled Sesshomaru onto his back and crawled on top of the youkai, nestling in between his legs while a hand pinned his shoulder to the futon. Inuyasha's feral grin quickened Sesshomaru's heart. That glorious mouth latched onto Sesshomaru's neck and nibbled down to his chest. Aggressive in its domination, Inuyasha's tongue lathed and flicked each nipple with a grazing of fang until they were tender and Sesshomaru swelled with a pulsing heat at the hunger his mate seethed for him. Legs spreading of their own accord, Sesshomaru moaned softly into the room's near-darkness.

Shifting further down Sesshomaru's body, Inuyasha's lips dipped below Sesshomaru's navel. "I love when you do that," he said between kisses.

"Do what?" asked Sesshomaru. Breathless, he propped himself up on his elbows so he could easily watch Inuyasha's tantalizingly bold exploration of his body.

A searing, clawed hand rested atop Sesshomaru's thigh while the other brushed lightly, teasingly through the tuft of curled silver hair between Sesshomaru's legs. "When you make noises like that." The hanyou looked almost shy when he admitted that, despite what he had just been doing with his mouth. "It took me forever to get you to react to anything I did…" His thumb massaged circles into Sesshomaru's thigh for a moment while his breath seemed to calm. "I know sex was sorta weird for you at first. And you basically did it because you knew I wanted you."

Sesshomaru frowned lightly, unaware Inuyasha had been so attuned to him back then. He certainly recalled his own confusion at the appeal of melding their bodies together in this way. Such acts had never been any kind of allure to him before. Sex, in his mind, had been for reproduction, and he and Inuyasha were two males. But Sesshomaru had fallen so deeply in love with the hanyou brute, he'd been willing to try anything.

"I wanted you," Sesshomaru insisted fiercely, brushing Inuyasha's cheek with the back of his hand. Once Sesshomaru had grown comfortable during their couplings and discovered multiple ways to give Inuyasha pleasure, his apprehension had melted away.

Inuyasha leaned into his touch, a tender warmth in the deep gold of his eyes as he looked at Sesshomaru. "I know you did. But you were the most reserved I'd ever seen you whenever I tried to bed you back then, and that's saying something. For the first time in our lives we treated each other like we were breakable and it scared the hell outta us both. I was horny as fuck and felt like shit about it because I was afraid you hated intimacy. Took me damn near forever to give you an orgasm for the first time."

Swallowing, Sesshomaru cupped Inuyasha's face, receiving a chaste kiss in his palm. He had been unaware of the degree of Inuyasha's mental turmoil on his behalf. Back then, Sesshomaru had been too concerned that he had absolutely no idea how to please the only person he'd ever wanted to. Evidently, Inuyasha had felt the same way.

"But you opened up," continued Inuyasha, his eyes distant and remembering. "For some reason. Maybe you figured out I didn't know what I was doing either. But you  _moved_. You touched me and tasted me all the time. You closed your eyes and you moaned my name and you damn near  _howled_ , Sesshomaru. To hear your voice like that… _gods_ , it drove me crazy. I figured out you wanted it—wanted me—as much as I wanted you."

Heart thundering, Sesshomaru's lips parted but no words came out.

"I just wanted you to know." Inuyasha concluded quickly with a deep blush rising on his face. It seemed he was beginning to truly realize everything he had just said aloud to Sesshomaru. "That's one of the things I'll tell you if—if you ever forget again." His eyes shifted to a direction that was not Sesshomaru's.

Gods, thought Sesshomaru as he proceeded to sit up and wrap Inuyasha's head in his arms. His mate was far too precious for this world. "Thank you, Inuyasha," he said warmly. "I will always need to hear this from you."

"Y-yeah. Sure." Inuyasha's response was muffled by Sesshomaru. "Did I kill the mood?"

Giving a light chuckle, Sesshomaru took one of Inuyasha's hands and guided it between his legs to wrap Inuyasha's fingers around his blatantly erect flesh. "What do you think?" he asked.

Lifting his head, Inuyasha gave Sesshomaru a few slow, thorough strokes, forcing Sesshomaru to roll his hips at the sudden, tortuous relief. Inuyasha lifted himself onto his haunches then, keeping Sesshomaru in his hand. He leaned into Sesshomaru's pointed ear, debauching the lobe with his tongue and teeth before whispering, "How do you want it?" Before Sesshomaru could even consider the question while his mate touched him for the first time since before he'd lost himself, Inuyasha added, "Because I was kinda hoping you'd fuck me tonight."

Sesshomaru was so thoroughly aroused, Inuyasha's gravelly assertion sent an astonishing jolt of pleasure through his nether regions without the smallest physical stroke. "Hands and knees," ordered the youkai without reservation.

Following a smug, seductive look, Inuyasha complied and moved to his hands and knees, his rear positioned directly in Sesshomaru's line of sight. Sesshomaru knelt in turn before the eager backside and parted Inuyasha's soft cheeks. He watched as the puckered opening clenched in anticipation. His breath ghosted over it.

"I'm glad you like the view of my ass, Sesshomaru but— _oh_ fuck, okay," Inuyasha shuddered as Sesshomaru licked a path from his balls to his anus. With a handful of rough, long strokes he moistened the area, allowing his lips to glide easily over flesh while he kissed Inuyasha there with a wide-open mouth and wiggled his tongue. Cursing, Inuyasha rocked back into Sesshomaru's face, coaxing the lustful youkai to push his tongue inside. He thrust shallowly, gently massaging Inuyasha's balls with his hand. Once the taut ring of muscle no longer resisted the width of his tongue Sesshomaru swirled it around, stretching Inuyasha's insides. As Sesshomaru tasted him, he imagined a dark-haired Inuyasha on a moonless night lying on his back, preparing himself with blunt, clawless fingers for Sesshomaru to see.

"Come on," Inuyasha whined breathily, his claws digging into the mattress beneath him. "I'm ready for you. Just—just grab the bottle under the floor."

Similarly fervent, Sesshomaru withdrew and crawled over to the loose floorboard, drawing it up and out with his claws. They'd each hidden many things in that hole over the years. Not from each other but from plain sight and obvious discovery. It was theirs. Countless times Sesshomaru had walked this floor over the past year, oblivious to it. This time, the hole contained nothing more than a polished wooden shaft and a brown bottle of oil.

Sesshomaru raised a pleasantly surprised brow, recognizing the shaft as Inuyasha's own handiwork. "This bottle is almost new," he commented, plucking it from the hole.

"I had needs, Sesshomaru," replied Inuyasha shamelessly while still in position. "I might not have had sex with other people but I ain't no saint, here."

A brief image of Inuyasha sneaking into this room from outside in the middle of the night when struck by the urge to take it up the backside lit Sesshomaru's eyes with rampant merriment. "Believe me," chuckled Sesshomaru as he dripped oil between Inuyasha's buttocks and rubbed it in with a thumb, "I would be disappointed in you otherwise." Pouring oil into his hand, Sesshomaru slicked himself up as well before returning the bottle to its unholy resting place. When he glanced back at his impatiently waiting mate, he shook his head lightly. "Not like this."

"Not like what?" Inuyasha was already touching himself.

"I want you this way." Sesshomaru lay on his side again, an arm outstretched in front of him. "Press your back to me." He craved a more personal release.

When Inuyasha's warmth lined the front of his body, Sesshomaru gave a small, content sigh. Securing his arm across the glistening plane of Inuyasha's chest, Sesshomaru proceeded to sweep the curtain of ashen hair above their heads so he could trail fleeting kisses along Inuyasha's upper-back and neck. His oiled hand slid affectionately along the curve of Inuyasha's ribs and waist, concluding its path with a grip around his own length. They groaned in unison when Sesshomaru finally pushed himself inside Inuyasha until his hips cradled Inuyasha's rear.

Reaching back to squeeze a handful of Sesshomaru's backside, Inuyasha turned his head and torso within Sesshomaru's hold and captured his lips in a slow, tender exchange of their elated sentiment while he adjusted to the intrusion. After a blissful moment of this impossible closeness, Inuyasha nipped Sesshomaru's jaw with a soft growl and pushed back against him, a clear indication that he was unwilling to wait any longer.

Clutching Inuyasha tightly, protectively in his arms, Sesshomaru pulled himself out before sliding gingerly back in. Inuyasha's muscles clenched gloriously, deliberately pleasuring Sesshomaru with each forcefully slow thrust. Inuyasha shot him a knowing grin, prickling Sesshomaru's left buttock with his claws. Since this was apparently nothing for Inuyasha, Sesshomaru licked his lips appreciatively, vowing to reduce his mate to a senseless, shuddering mess in his hands.

Mouth latched on to Inuyasha's marked shoulder, Sesshomaru moved. He thrust hard, building a steady rhythm that shook the futon and filled the air with dull, wet slaps and harsh breaths. They moved together, one writhing mass of grunts and broken, endearing words. Inuyasha was so beautiful in his rising pleasure.

"Ah,  _gods_ yes— _there_ , right there," Inuyasha moaned raggedly, his head arching back into the pillow while he met each swift thrust, though tremors wracked his legs. " _Please_ —touch me," he begged Sesshomaru with his bottom lip pinched between his teeth.

Feeling himself fall steadily apart, Sesshomaru grasped his brother and stroked him firmly to the rhythm of their hips. Sesshomaru felt his mate's muscles tighten and heard the crack of a wide open jaw before Inuyasha pulsed in his hand and released, Sesshomaru's name flying from his tongue in a long, resounding groan of guttural pleasure.

The strong scent of Inuyasha's seed pushed Sesshomaru over the edge of sanity with a few more rolling thrusts into clenched, slippery heat. Sesshomaru muffled a deep, broken cry in the crook of his mate's neck, shaken to his core by a powerful orgasm that struck him in waves.

Eyes open in stunned ecstasy, they stilled against each other and Sesshomaru's softening member slipped from its divine sheath. When Inuyasha found it within himself to move, he twisted around in Sesshomaru's arms to face him and slipped a knee between his legs. They stayed that way for a long moment, brushing disheveled hair away from sweat-dropped faces and running their fingertips along any stretch of exposed skin they so desired.

It was wonderful—to touch and to be touched. There was no quiet wondering as to whether or not Inuyasha would ever touch him again. Sesshomaru's memories had granted him the understanding that this gentle proximity was something they both needed with their whole, unabashed selves.

Inuyasha's body had always been somewhat smaller than Sesshomaru's. It was more apparent whenever they were down to their skin. It had been a long while, however, since Sesshomaru had considered Inuyasha to be small in any way. They were each content to comfort and to be comforted, to protect and to be protected. Neither of them thought they needed any form of protecting, but they usually fought their battles side-by-side any way; so a fair amount of protective instinct was to be expected. They were equals.

"My turn next?" Sesshomaru asked, his fingers tracing the outline of soft lips.

"Absolutely." Inuyasha drew Sesshomaru's hand to the back of his neck instead, placing a quick kiss on Sesshomaru's chin. "I was thinking you—in my lap—with your legs around my waist."

Sesshomaru raised a brow, his mouth twitching against a smile. "We shall see." In all honesty, it was a tame request coming from Inuyasha. "Is there something else you would have me do?" he asked in a sarcastically seductive tone.

Inuyasha chuckled low in his throat, a familiar glint in his eye. "We've got loads of time, Sesshomaru."

This was true. Time was something abundant to them if they could keep each other alive.

They would visit Rin and torment her doting husband and watch her raise hanyou children with all the care a mother could give them. They would protect the land together and then lick each other's wounds afterwards. They would fight in the morning and then forgive each other by nightfall because they'd realize the stupidity of it all and would rather swallow their pride than sleep alone. They would have unbelievable sex beneath the stars or on whatever surface they saw fit at the time.

This was Sesshomaru's life. The life he shared with his brother, his mate, and his dearest friend.

They kissed gently, entwined and unwilling to part for the world, their tongues soft and lingering. Sesshomaru's mind drifted through the past year. He kept returning to a conversation they'd had months ago.

When Inuyasha had called him a wanderer, the term had stuck in his mind. To Inuyasha, the term had defined Sesshomaru during a large portion of his life. Inuyasha had been unable to tell him why he'd suddenly stopped moving. And without his memories, Sesshomaru had been unable to puzzle it out. He'd given up his preferred lifestyle for a shabby cabin? He had not felt in his mind that this was something he would do.

Desires of the heart had never been overly apparent to Sesshomaru. In the past, his forefront desires had been fueled by greed and selfishness, not to say he hadn't been selfish in wanting Inuyasha.

No longer was Sesshomaru a wanderer because his journey was over. He knew it deep within his tainted demon heart, awakened by a small human child and claimed forever by a compassionate, foul-mouthed hanyou.

Sesshomaru had discovered a soul mate and an equal in the last person he would ever have expected.

One wanders, not until he is told to stop, but until he is given a reason to stand still.

Sesshomaru's reason was Inuyasha.


End file.
